How to overcome your breakup

Forgetting an ex is not a sequential step when ending up a relationship. In some cases, we break up with that very special person, but we are still hooked with him/her , its impossible to “forget” that person. In most cases, you can break with someone but you are going to continue seeing him or her. When we say forget we mean that we cannot move on(into other relationship, into happiness) because we are still attached with someone. This happens because ideally in any relationship we create healthy(or unhealthy) bonds of intimacy, attachment and mutual dependency that are very hard to break. Our ex-partner surely was someone who generated pleasant feeling in us, therefore their absence or loss implies the loss of a beloved object, we could feel as if they have take our joy, enthusiasm, affection, trust and satisfaction, because at some time we stick in how that person made us feel. However it was you who at the end decided to let that person in your life, those nice feelings came within you. Through this article we will review some tips and recommendations in how to help you to overcome your breakup, so you can turn into a better version of yourself

• Stop trying to forget. Be thankful to what you lived with your ex. You cannot forget your memories, or change them. One thing you can change is how you interpret your memories, they can be good memories or very sad and sour. You need to accept that some places, people or tastes will trigger some nice/bad memories, it can happen that you might see your ex by accident any time, or you can see her/him online every night. You have to deal that this person exists, and we cannot forget our past, we must integrate it to what we are.
• Understand what really happened. If you end a relationship and took you by surprise , it’s because you did not want to actually see it coming, probably you didn’t pay attention to some signs that you preferred not to see(or you didn’t suspect at all). However is probably that the other person did the same, pretending that all was fine, without listening to the signals, or the intuition. So try to understand what really happened(f without blaming anyone), just with awareness, heard your ex version and create one version of the story. Keep in mind there is no objective story, just two different perspectives of the relationship,

• Reinvent yourself and be strong within you. If you really want to avoid to become hurt , you need to increase your self-esteem , increase your communication techniques or social skills, being assertive by taking into account the feelings of the other person , and being authentic by sending transparent and clear messages. These tasks need to be make by anyone who want to really grow. Learn by yourself through books, internet and coaches about ways to increase your self-esteem, improve your social skills or assertiveness. Remember that breaking up is always a temporary loose of self-esteem.

• Learn from mistakes and discover yourself. Ideally, every relationship is a chance of growth and a chance for understanding ourselves , to discern our preferences and likes. Always keep in mind how to improve, how to be a better lover, a better partner, friend and human being.
• Fall in love with yourself. It may sound corny or too optimistic, but working in yourself and your self esteem is the best way to get over your ex , is falling in love with yourself. Give yourself time to enjoy being single, make exercise, eat well,get into relaxation techniques, try new hobbies, work hard in yourself(job, academic goals) and keep on learning new skills.
• Trust yourself. Trust in yourself that you can find someone. Its not about finding someone “better”. Trust your instincts and learn that sometimes you need to belief into your decisions as the best thing.
• Identify what you have take. Try to identify which positive qualities, feelings and experiences you learn and carry from your ex,
• Identify what you left behind. Identify the illusions, lessons and mistakes you have left behind and acknowledge them as well.
• Look some healthy distraction. Look for friends, healthy hobbies like exercise, arts, online learning, or some activities that provide you adrenaline. Spend time with yourself
• Don’t try to tirelessly find people who look like your ex , looking the same features
• Don’t try excessive smoking, drinking , partying , drugging , eating, (any activity you try for desperately avoid thinking in your ex). Its self explanatory, any new addiction will not fill the void

Sources
Murphy, C. (2012). Life As a Spork: Singledom. Lesbian News, 38(5), 16.
Schneider, K. S., Jones, O., Green, A., & Atlas, D. (2006). Moving Out Is Hard to Do. People, 65(23), 95-98.
Begun, B., Mummolo, J., & Barney, A. (2006). THE EX-FACTOR.Newsweek, 148(8/9), 88-89.